andrew and esther *
Friday, October 19, 2007 <3 flashbacks are the only times i can be with you now
RAH! i'm pretty bored..
all that mugging! (yea, like i really am anyway.)
since no one comes here, i'll just use this place to put my thoughts.
Today in the school library, i had an emo moment.
I had a flashback from the year before.
thanks to Clay Aiken's "Sleigh Ride" on my mp3!
Around this time last year, he would have preparing for As, i thought.
Let me describe the scene to you:
He was studying at the library and I only managed to join him around closing time.
As usual, i was trying to mug along with him when this song came on my mp3 player..all of a sudden the song triggered me to become hyped up about Christmas and the upcoming holidays.
I wrote on my notes " I can't wait for christmas!". He laughed.
I still have that set of notes that never fails to remind of that day.
It was a song both of us loved and he also played it for his recital last christmas.
Actually, moments like these aren't rare, if you thought so.
Random flashbacks, good and bad keep coming back to me, often triggered by very mundane things, like walking out of the lift of my flat. =x
Images of his back when the sky hasn't broken out with the first morning light: often the first i see in the start of a school day.
I can still smell the morning breath and feel the warmth of the smile and the hug.
The quiet but comforting bus rides and walks to school (blame insufficent sleep), punctuated with days where we simply go insane from our jokes.
The band table. We initially used to meet there.
Fitting each other into as many breaks, "toilet visits", self-proclaimed breaks as we could.
gosh. we were really so sticky then.
Even at a period of time packing lunch to school for each other.
And my, messaging one another even though we're both in school!
Of course, i can never forget band especially. The times we spent working together as a team..the times he coached me. The times i bore the brunt of his strictness. But it was then i was playing at my peak.
oh which brings me to some flashbacks of us going home from band prac together..sometimes only when the sky has darkened (or most of the time).
more significantly to the time when we first went home together(also the day we first went to school together?). I remember all the J1s were in thier own school uniforms going for dinner together after band prac, but i stayed to wait for the J2s who were having a meeting. He was the first to rush out and meet me, and i got teased at.
Teachers recognised us, friends recognised us. We were a unit..one not without the other.
i can just keep going on at this man. sigh.
But now, i can't imagine things being the way they were anymore.
They seem to belong to a very distant past, feeling almost like it didn't exist in my life before..although it's been barely a year plus.
Memories of band is being with RQ, Dor, Elissa and Ans. The nights i've spent walking across the bridge by myself after band prac. the classmates who've brightened mundane school days. Now in the mornings, i prefer to walk alone. I've forgotten the feeling of waking up and actually looking forward to getting out of bed. Skipping school is not as exciting anymore. The windy place doesn't seem such a pleasant place anymore. There's not much difference in weekdays and weekends now. I've lost touch with my emotions, I've lost the feeling of being with you.
neveralone ;12:52 AM
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